looking back...

So...it's been one year since I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Oct. 18th was the exact one year anniversary. It's just weird to think that just a year ago, my life had been thrown upside-down. I cried every night...wondering why this had to happen to me. I could have easily given up hope, when I was told that non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, when caught, is almost always a Stage 4 cancer...very aggressive. I had my Halloween party as usual, but I couldn't really enjoy it, because the news was still so fresh...I was still so shocked. I know everyone says that the waiting is the worst. It truly, truly is. The week or two it took to get those initial test results were absolutely grueling. I knew I had a very tough road ahead of me. I won't lie and tell you that it wasn't bad. The standard chemo treatments, truthfully, weren't as bad as I had made them out to be in my head in the weeks preceding treatment. But the stem cell transplant was by far the worst experience of my life to this point. It kept seeming like I couldn't catch a break. It seemed like if there was even the slightest possibility that something could go wrong...it did. And in most cases, that wasn't merely my perception of things...that was the truth! If you could ever ask my doctors, they would tell you how I was incessantly the exception to everything. I mean who gets a 106.8 degree temperature?!! Me!! I didn't even know you could survive a temperature that high...well, apparently you can!!

But now...a year later...I'm here. And I don't want to sound overly dramatic, but I will not ever look at life the same way again. I have always tried to live life to the fullest, and that, of course, will not change. But I just don't get as worked up over some things like I used to. What's the point? I will, for the rest of my life, keep looking over my shoulder for the cancer to come back. I'm not "cured" of cancer, I've just kicked its ass. But, it could still get up and try to fight again...and of course, I'll kick its ass again!! I'm just content that I'm here, and still able to live my life, and continue on with my dreams. And I'm going to keep the same positive attitude I had throughout the course of the treatment. Maybe, I'm dumb, but I don't know no better! So here's to living the next year cancer free!!